We all know how we raise our kids and the conversations we have with them are powerful.
I was reminded of this on the weekend. We had a lovely family lunch and the wise old teenagers were reminiscing about their distant childhood.
They admitted to programming/training/manipulating their youngest sister from about 2 into liking Turkish Delights and Cherry Ripes by suggesting that they were the best ever chocolate and bestowing them on her in mock generosity. That way they could eat all the other ones they liked. It literally worked a treat and they are now genuinely her favourite favourites.
How do we talk to our kids about farming and farmers and how does this impact on succession?
When we talk about farming and farmers to our kids we build a belief system. Sometimes it is negative- “Don’t become a farmer” or “Don’t marry a farmer.” Sometimes it is overwhelmingly positive- “Farming is the best occupation on earth, and the most important occupation in the world. Farmers are the best sort of people”.
Like the chocolates, our conversations shape their ideas and identity for life.
We all know that the overly negative farmer talk is not going to help raise a generation of motivated and enthusiastic future farmers with a growth mindset. But is the positive talk also doing a little damage?
- If we build a picture that farmers are superior, does that mean that our non-farming children walk away thinking they have failed or come second?
- Does it mean that our children who choose farming feel like they have been sold a pup when the narrative does not match the reality?
- If farming is held up as the pinnacle of all jobs in agriculture, do they underestimate their value and impact in non-farming agricultural jobs or non-land owning farming jobs, thinking they are a poor alternative?
- Does it mean that our adult farming children have trouble adjusting to a life outside of farming and have identity issues when they retire or change careers?
- Does it mean that our adult children feel like they have failed when they raise our grandkids in town?
The alternative is building a more realistic and rounded perspective.
Perhaps it starts with some subtle changes in the way we talk
“This is a great little school as there a lots of farm kids” changes to “This is a great little school.”
“He will be a great worker – he grew up on a farm” changes to “He will be a great worker, I can see that he has spent time doing XXXX”
“The best childhood is a farm childhood” changes to “The best childhood is one spent with lots of time outdoors with animals and helping your family”. Or motorbikes, or horses, or heavy equipment- whatever floats your boat.
“Farming is the most important job in the world” changes to “farming is important, like most jobs. Done well, all jobs and businesses make a contribution to our world and our economy.” (Except the concierge at the Telstra shop, that’s a totally useless job)
“It’s a great place to go on holidays, I love that there are heaps of farmers there” changes to “It’s a great place to go on holidays. I love that there are heaps of farmers there as I don’t have the conversation skills to talk to anyone that is not like me” or perhaps changes to “It’ a great place to go on holidays.” If you prefer.
Whilst my daughter assures me that the term “day scab” (to describe non-boarders) and “townie” (delivered with the slightest lip curl) is not derogatory, perhaps they need to go as well.
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